*Confusion
2:25 A.M. :: Saturday, Nov. 01, 2008
Am I in denial? He spends 5 nights out of the week away from home. He's always "bowling" or playing softball. He says he doesn't want to break up. He says we need to have a break from each other and go back to dating. He acquired a car for me so I could be fine on my own. He wants us to move back in with the parental units to "save money." He isn't 100% opposed to marriage like before but still ruthlessly dragging his feet (and my heart along with them). He never talks about having kids in the future. He says he loves me and always will. He never remembers when I ask him to do things around the house to help me out. He gets exasperated with me when I ask too many questions. Intimacy is always the same. He claims to know me so well but forgets the littlest things.
After 5 years, you would think that I would actually have a clue in my own relationship. Can I actually believe that he's cheating on me? I know he cares, but is that enough? Maybe he just wants to be sure I will be okay once he's out of the picture, our picture...
But I don't want to go backwards. I'm ready for the next step. If he isn't, then what does that mean? Is it really over? Does it have to be that black and white?